Chapter 8: Stress? Hardly.

Stress? Hardly.
(A Few Days Later)

So, for all of the older readers out there, I find myself explaining a concept that may be foreign to you, especially if you are disconnected from the educational system. There are several things that cause stress for high school students which you should be aware of. After briefly touching upon them, I will continue on in the story.

Freshman year poses a large amount of stress to a high school student. They don’t know where they’re going to fit in. Sophomore year is the easiest year. Its like “Hah, I’m still an underclassman, but I know where to go.” Junior year is hell. Senior year can be as well, for different reasons.

Sex. You think you had problems back when you were growing up? Kids nowadays have to deal with this “abstinence only” shit, AIDS, Syphilis, Genital Herpes, Pubic Lice, Gonorrhea, Genital Warts, Hepatitis B and the million other STDs that we are convinced we can get if we even think about sex. We also have to deal with birth control – condoms, IUDs, morning after pills, “The pill”, spermicide…you name it, we know about it.

Medicines. Back when you were growing up, if you had a problem, you took two Tylenol and went to bed. Now? Pharmaceutical companies pay doctors to give out trials and get kids hooked on legal drugs – sleep aids, depression medications, bipolar medications, ADD pills, ADHD pills, birth control (mentioned above); you name it, we have it. All of these cause mood swings and hormone swings in a body whose hormones are already jumping around excitedly screaming “Oooh, lets fuck our person up!!!”

Homework. Most of its busy work, and most teenagers believe they have better things to do than to sit around doing work they either know how to do or have absolutely no clue how to attempt. Projects are okay, but some homework is pointless.

Testing. We have the SATs, we have the ACTs, Regents for New York and California residents, we have AP testing, we have SAT 2s. We have CLEP, GRE, GED exams. Basically, high school students have tests coming out of their asses. Oh, don’t forget midterms, finals, and research reports.

And finally, the problems only upper classmen face: prom, jobs, scholarships, colleges and what they want to do with the rest of their lives.

So needless to say, yes, adults have bills to pay, mouths to feed, jobs to do, houses to clean, babies to take care of, funerals to go to, dinners to cook. But high school students have the entire rest of their lives in front of them. And trust me: when you’re in high school or college, that’s some scary shit.

My point being, no matter how emotionally stable you are as an individual, the stress gets to you. Whether school’s stress is on top of family or relationship difficulties, the stress eats away at you until you breakdown. And the part that sucks about breaking down is that usually when you do it, there’s no one but yourself to comfort you.

And that’s where I was in life right then. Alone, in my room, crying my eyes out. No one was home except the dogs. Roger wouldn’t pick up his phone. Kaley was out with Colin. And I was upset about a lot of things, top of the list being the fact that the AP tests I had to deal with were the next week and I was flipping out a little bit. Well, a lot bit.

So there I was, sitting, and crying silently to myself. Maybe you don’t know how I cry, but the general routine is – sniffle a little bit, bury face into pillow, sob. Now the trick is getting yourself to maintain the tears. Because outbursts are easy. But maintained crying, that’s a challenge. But in this particular case, I was doing pretty well. Every time I would start to level off a bit, I’d start thinking to myself:

“You’re fucking silly to be crying like this. Well, except for the fact that you’re probably going to fail. And no one really loves you. Well, you love someone, but you don’t know if they love you back. The only ones that care about you are the damn ferret and the dogs.”

I was in the middle of another round of outbursts when my phone started ringing. I checked the caller ID and realized that it was Roger. Unable to resist, I took a deep breath and hit the Answer button.

“Hey.” I said softly, trying not to sniffle.

“Hey babe. You alright? You tried my phone a bunch of times. I just got in from work.” He sounded mildly concerned.

My face scrunched up as another wave of tears fought its way to the surface. I pushed them back down.

“Yeah, um.” I hiccuped, a dead giveaway. “I’m fine. Just a little stressed.”

“You don’t sound okay.” He said. I could almost hear him frowning over the phone. “You want to talk about it?”

“I’m just worried about the tests coming up next week. I’ll be fine.” I sighed, swallowing the last of my tears. I don’t cry. I never cry. Never, ever.

“What tests? Remind me again?” He asked conversationally. I could tell he was still worried about me.

“Umm.. I have Music Theory, Calculus, US and Psychology.” I replied, listing them off out loud as I thought about each subject briefly. “Music Theory will be easy, and Pysch somewhere in between, but Calc and US I’m kinda freaking out about a little bit.” I admitted.

“Twenty seven missed phone calls in the span of forty five minutes? I’d say so.” He asserted. “You’re the smartest person I know, silly-butt. You’ll do fine. If anyone can get good scores on standardized tests, its you.”

“I know, I know…am just in a bad mood. Blame it on the hormones.”

“Blame it on whatever you want. You done crying now?”

“I wasn’t crying.” I protested, coughing.

“You’re as full of shit as a Christmas turkey.” He commented, paused, then continued. “I wouldn’t suggest lying to me again, I can pick it out like a black man at a nazi convention.”

“Bite me.” I continued to protest, less vehemently. It wasn’t fair that he could tell. “You cry, too.”

“We don’t talk about those times.” He spoke as if delivering the word of God. I laughed.

“Uh huh. Don’t accuse me of crying, and I won’t bring those times you’re sure I imagined to the surface.”

“Okay babe.” He agreed. “But were you?”

“Maybe.” Yes! I screamed in my head.

“Okay, I get it. I’ll drop it. So if you called so much, what did you want out of me anyway?” He asked. “It’s a Friday night, I’m supposed to go out and do security tonight for a bar.”

“I don’t know. I just really wanted to talk to someone. My parents are gone and my friends are all out and I’m feeling lonely. The only company I have are Bill, Sam, and Jack. And they’re not exactly the most comforting of sorts, if you know what I mean. Sam drools, Jack whines and Bill…that ferret is the most confounding thing I have ever seen. You’d think he was human until he bit you.”

“Biting indicates a non human quality?” Roger asked, astounded. “You ain’t been around me. If you were here I’d bite you…probably right on the shoulder.”

“Okay.” I said, “But I bite back. Hard.”

“And where is your little mouth going to fit around on my big body?”

“I can think of a few places. Your nipples, your fingers, your toes, your…other spots.” I could feel myself blushing just thinking about what I was about to say.

“Go on!” He said laughing. “You can’t say it.”

“Say what? That I want to bite your cock? I just did.” I stated boldly. Before then, I had never mentioned something so… bluntly.

“Damn girl, that had a bit of an effect.” He commented after a moment.

“Oh really?” I asked, laughing. “And what’d it do to you? Upset your virgin mind?”

“My virgin mind? I’ve had a kid, and you have the dirtiest mind I know.” He laughed.
“So back to this me having an effect…” I tried out my newly discovered power. “Me telling you that I want to kneel down in front of you, unzip your jeans…” I paused a moment.

“Uh huh…” He almost begged for me to keep going, I could tell. I humored him.

“Kneel down in front of you, unzip your jeans, pull them down off of your legs, take your cock in my hand, wrap my mouth around it and bite down? This has an effect?”

Silence met me on the other side of the phone line. I giggled, knowing what I was doing to him.

“You alright over there?”

“Uh huh.” I swear to the Gods, from that day forward, and I remember it clearly. He squeaked.

“Well I’m glad I have an effect. Did I mention I’m about to gush blood for seven days out of my vagina?” I held back my laughter, and my reward came. Choking noises on the other end of the phone. It seemed I had done what I do best – frustrated him.

“Did I mention I love you?” I asked sweetly. He growled. Cleared his throat.

“Any way; you’re lonely? Doing that to me isn’t a good way to keep me on the phone, sweet heart.”

“I got upgraded to sweet heart? Wow!” I said with mock enthusiasm. “Ah, I’m sorry Roger. Its been a long day. Thank you for letting me torture you.”

“It seems that’s what I’m here for.” He sighed. “So are you going to be okay tonight? I really have to get going.”

“I’m always fine, especially when I’m blessed by your company for a little while during the day.” I said, my way of saying he was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me, and he didn’t seem to realize.

“I’m not that great. Hey, I’ll call you tonight when I get home. I got some stuff I have to ask you.”

“Why can’t you ask me now?” I asked him, curious.

“Because its not the time. You just finished crying. I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Don’t get hurt. I’ll hurt you if you get hurt again. I love to listen to you on pain medication, but I don’t like the feeling of you getting stabbed. Just remember that – I feel it, too.”

“Don’t worry, and get some sleep. Alright?”

“Okay.” I relented. “But you better call.”

“I promise. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I hung up the phone smiling. Everything about him made the world a better place. He probably wanted to talk about the website later. We hadn’t spoken in depth about it in a few weeks. We had spent the time mostly screwing around – I had my tests, he had two jobs. We’d get back together soon on it. So our “stolen moments” consisted of talking about our days and the funny stuff that happened to us. Sometimes he’d spend a half hour just telling me stupid jokes and listening to me laugh.

Unfortunately, I was still alone. And I’d be alone most of the night, until my parents got home. They were out at some store in the city near by, looking for new tiles for the kitchen, Both of my parents had a bad habit of always changing things around. No matter what, at least once a month, something happened to alter the design or function of a piece of our property, whether it be a vehicle, the house, or something else. That was part of what made life so interesting for us.

I gave up on crying. Studying was only going to stress me out more than I needed to be stressed out. What I knew, I knew, and no amount of studying was going to retain it any better than it already was. What I didn’t know, I was in no mood to study and understand. Considering it was eight o’clock, I decided to do the two things that cure just about anything: Take two Tylenol, and go to bed, to wait for happier times. No, I wasn’t popping pills randomly. I did have a sinus headache, accentuated by my large round of tears.

And with that, I shut my eyes, forced my thoughts out, and fell asleep. Not for long, granted, but I slept.