Chapter 4: Journal Entry 1

Journal Entry

So I definitely think Roger isn’t happy in his relationship. He barely ever talks about that girl; Tina, and she never seems to be around for him. I mean, what the hell kind of girl hangs up on you?

I…don’t know what I want. I’m single, yeah, but Roger seems to be giving off all of the…right vibes. Its like forbidden love or something. He wants it, I want it, but he won’t dump his girlfriend. It seems like there’s a barrier between him and I that can’t be breached. Its really fucked up. He’s hot, his voice is gorgeous, and he’s the first guy that treats me with respect. Granted, he’s…twelve? Thirteen? Years older than myself, but it doesn’t seem to matter when I’m talking to him. Its like I could tell him about my day and even if I ended up having a really bad one, one word of comfort from him could make it all better.

I feel so…wrong liking him. My parents are ten years apart, yeah, but its still disconcerting to think about it. I mean, Jesus (and I’m not even Christian), he’s closer in age to my father than he is to me!

I spent the night with Kaley, Steve and Christ tonight too. It was fun, and relaxing. I’m kind of worried about her - Kaley – she hides it, but there are some freshly opened scars along her wrists. I think she’s been cutting because of the family problems. Her mom’s a bitch, but Kaley doesn’t make it any better for herself. And what’s up with her brother? He’s a fucking drug dealer. That’s not the kind of thing that exactly produces a happy home life, you know?

I guess I’ll go start some of that US homework. I know the DBQ (document based question) is going to take me a little while because it’s so complicated. The teacher wants so much evidence to support each document, but in the same instance he only wants us to write four pages. How can you fit enough evidence to make him happy in just four pages? Double spaced? I guess I’m a writer.

Actually, never mind. I’ll do it in a second. I wish Roger would stop saying stuff like “Love ya babe” to me. I mean, honestly. Is he trying to lead me on? If he keeps it up, keeps hinting that he likes me, I’m gonna end up opening up and admitting that I’ve fallen totally, head-over-fucking-heels in love with the man. And then what? He’ll tell me off. Ah, hell. In my fantasy world, he’s mine.

I’ll have him. It may take ten years, it may take this lifetime, but right now, he’s who I want. He’s the first person I want to talk to in the morning, and the last person I want to kiss good night.

Off for homework. I hate boys.

-Storm


ALTERNATE JOURNAL ENTRY

Journal Entry 1

So, tonight was fun. I went out with Kaley, Steve and Christy. We went to the Grind and hung out for a long time, then stopped up at the diner for a brief interlude of food. And then, because we missed the movie – the bad was awesome – we went and hung out by the river until around eleven, when we finally decided to get home. Steve had to work the next day, so he had to get some sleep. I dropped Kaley back at home, and the other two got rides from Steve’s parents.

I haven’t had a night like that in a long time. Its like we were all really stressed out because exams are coming up soon, but we all got together and screwed off for a night anyway. We don’t have too many of those nights anymore since we’ve all either got jobs or homework to be doing. Steve, with his dad’s new job, lives mostly by himself now, and a lot of the time has to take care of the dogs or clean the house for his dad when he comes home. Kaley…family problems. And Christy, well, as silly as she seems, she’s in quite a lot of extra activities – band, soccer, art. It keeps her busy.

I’m getting kinda freaked out, now that I’m thinking about it. It’s february, which means that AP exams are coming up very, very soon. I have Music Theory, Calculus, US and Psychology. All of that is a pain in my ass. I think I’ll be okay, the two that are giving me the most trouble are the Calculus and the US.

What about Roger? He’s been acting odd lately. Its like he’s distracted – he barely has time for the site. And his girlfriend’s been a bitch lately, which has translated to him being grumpy. It doesn’t really look good for them right now. I guess we’ll wait and see.

I think…and yes, I know he has a girlfriend - I think that I have a crush on him. I mean, I love every second that I get to talk to him, especially when we talk for more than ten minutes. He’s intelligent, respectful, and has an awesome sense of humor. He can keep me amused for hours. And on top of that, he’s willing to debate and argue any topic. It seems like he knows a little about everything, enough to understand it.

I dunno. He has a girlfriend, so he can’t be mine or anywhere close to it. Its not like he would want to be anyway – he’s twenty eight. He has life to live, and I’m still just a kid. Well, I’m nearly out of high school. And then I’ll get dragged into college for six years. By the time I get out of there, I’ll be old and he’ll be ancient. That sucks.

Alright, I have US homework to do. I’ve got one last DBQ (document based questions and essay) due on Monday, before our exam, which I’m only supposed to take 30 minutes to do. Which is fine for me, except it has to be handwritten. We’re going on the honor system, of course. So it won’t take very long to do, and I’m kind of in the mood for intellectual work. I’m not all that tired, and its not really that late – around midnight. So I’ll do that and then go to bed. I don’t have to work tomorrow.

Off. Write more later.

-Storm